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mind · body · soul


love me, hate me, but only I can change me.

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* * *
Come unexpected.
Through a force of nature.
Ultimately putting life in perspective.
We all make them, or will have to, whether we like it or not.
Thus accepting this fact and embracing that we are all affected by the sacrifices we face and make, will help let go and accept the change with which they come.
* * *
I'm pretty bad at keeping an online blog. It just hasn't been a priority ever, even though I enjoy writing my thoughts and find it therapeutic. I definitely give props to those that can maintain theirs. In any case, I'm here and writing and that's what matters.
So I'm focusing this entry on something I'm embracing currently. Some of the curve balls we're thrown in life can knock us off our path indeed but what I've found is it's all about learning how to adapt. I can't think of one time in my adult decision making career that I haven't had to deal with a change of plans and had to re-evaluate my plans accordingly. For example, back when I was approaching my junior year, I decided and adamantly dedicated myself to joining the Peace Corps. It was my perfect after college plan, humanitarian work for two years, self-discovery and cultural immersion. I could not think of a better path to finding my passion! What a rude awakening I had when my parents stirred more drama than I was prepared to handle. Definitely threw a wrench in my plans. However, I persisted, readjusted accordingly, completed a summer AmeriCorps internship, moved out of their house and decided to go to grad school out of state. The plan was genius and would have worked brilliantly if it weren't for the fact that my major was complete and I couldn't continue as an undergrad student at CSUN. Put into a predicament of having to stay a student to keep my job and housing but not being able to complete my minor (which was my plan), I decided to apply to the grad program in the field I planned to complete my minor. What a success that was! I love the program and am so glad to be continuing my education, getting experience and figuring out what I want to do with my future. Now comes the time again to get an idea for what I want to do next, even though it doesn't seem to work out for me to plan, I like to get an idea for what's out there. The most difficult part will be deciding where to move once I finish my degree and start working. I've realized that while I'm young, I want to experience as many different locations as possible. Staying in LA only hinders this ambition and if my experience and expertise can take me to colleges in other states, I want nothing more than to pursue such opportunities. I can't wait to see where I end up in the next couple of years and who I will meet along the way. My life has been an amazing adventure so far with experiences I would never take back and have learned so much from. I can't wait to see what's in store for me in the near and exciting future.
* * *

I would love to do more traveling but that will come when time permits. Right now I want to go hiking and climbing more often. Oh and how I would I love to be at the beach more often, it has been far to long since I have felt the serenity of the ocean and experienced the thrill of crashing waves. I want to volunteer more often and be able to reach out to more kids and students and people across the world. I wish I could have more money so I can do things like these and not worry about going broke because I'm not getting paid. I recently wanted to start doing more yoga and made it happen so I know these things are all possible, it's just a matter of time! =D

* * *
It seems that I'm always posting about my dreads and every time I sit to post, I try to make it this work of art, proper sentences and interesting topic, all that crap. I'm starting to do more work on this whole reflective learning bit and really can't seem to understand what causes me to hold on to some things. what causes me to want to have perfect blog posts, to take on so much at once, to not give myself breaks and time when I need and to take breaks and time when it's not necessary. why do I deal well with situations on the spot but still over think the process and dwell on situations that never end up happening the way I want them to. where do I look for answers to these questions even though they make little to no sense. what would I do with the answers even if I had them. how does someone grow and reflect on their life if there's always something deeper that answers the reason they do the things they do. what does all this thinking accomplish. where does it get me and why do I want to be there. now I'm not get angry, really, I'm not. I just want to know who's got the answers. I'm all ears. 
* * *
Not tired, just finished up another round of reviewing for my final and decided to post the pictures that kept me well distracted on my study breaks :) and the fine job of sewing in all my loose hairs I did! :)
I'm very happy with how they're doing these days, would love a little more length and would love to understand how this length will come about, sometimes when I feel around the roots, it feels like the hair is growing into the dreads thickness rather than length. not sure if that makes sense but let me know if you've experienced this or know how to help it. any suggestions will be much appreciated :)

* * *
Life has been wonderful lately. The whole it happens to you when you least expect it/aren't looking for it thing is so true and SO worth the wait.
This past weekend my cousins visited again and as usual, that is an experience and a half for me. I always enjoy hanging out and playing with them or entertaining them, whichever. I cleared my whole day when the seven year old rascal called me from my grandmas phone and left me the cutest message. My pops picked me up and I walked in to wonderfully surprise my twin girl cousins. They were so happy to see me and were going on about how they missed me and it was adorable. Susan just looked at me with her bright blue eyes for a while, studying my face, my hair, me. My mom later told me that they think something is wrong with her because of the way she stares but I think it was perfectly normal for a child to be curious about some one she hadn't seen in a while and missed. So after I ate, I started playing with them and the three of them followed me like I knew all the answers to the world. I helped them do handstands and bridges, we stretched and jumped around, they watched me hold my handstands and cartwheel, I watched them somersault like it was no ones business. Then we decided to go for a walk and take pictures. :)

But first I caught Allen in the action of throwing a grapefruit at Susan! For no reason. He's such a trouble maker!

I love the way the sun hit them in this picture. Poor Michelle was blinded!


The spinning was a horrible idea. I got so dizzy, my stomach and head just can't hack it anymore and the kids just wanted me to keep going.
I love letting them have a couple moments of freedom and peace, these are the years they'll get the most of it in their life. Sometimes I wish there were rigorous tests people had to go through before they were allowed to have kids and that without them, the reproductive system wouldn't function properly. It's such a shame seeing mass restrictions that seem absurdly crazy put on little kids. I can only give them that joy and peace while they are with me but it hurts to think about the shit they have to go through on a daily basis. I wish them the best and hope for their sanity in the future.

I really enjoyed the time I spent with them but not as much as knowing that they had a great time in those couple hours I spent with them. 

* * *
Beautiful moon rise with red glow from fires.
quick stop for photography.

... )


all worth it.

* * *
I feel that I haven't expressed much, or enough rather, about the experiences I have encountered in the past year or so with dreads. So for lack of a better topic, I bring you compilation of notable experiences or something close to it.
Today I got a good laugh out of a customer at work that commented on my hair and how much he liked it, how he liked how cute I was and how I reminded him of his hippie days, all while his wife stood by and smiled. It was nice, genuine but he noticed I was starting to turn a little red and joked about how he remembers what it was like when he was in my shoes and disliking the feeling but how it comes naturally with his age. It was a funny good feel conversation. A lady later also mentioned that it was a unique hair style and she hadn't seen it anywhere else but when I mentioned Bob Marley to her she said that mine looked much neater and prettier compared. Lol, I was simply trying to give her an idea of what dreadlocks were but I suppose it was the first set she'd seen in person so it was a good experience for both.
The other day I went to my professors office hours and after talking about my grade, he mentioned how my hair style was unique and asked me a couple of questions including how I wash my hair. I feel like I still have a long way to go before I master answering questions and giving the right amount of information for different peoples needs or curiosities. Later that day on my bike ride to work, a dreaded guy driving by let me know that he liked my hair and I told him likewise.
Many-a-time I will be asked how I got my hair like that, how long it took, how I was it, etc. mostly from the older generations. The younger generations tend to a.) assume I'm a hippie b.) assume I smoke pot c.) not know what to relate it to, therefore leading the most common question by younger generations to be why I got my dreads. Which is actually the most difficult question to answer, especially with the limited time in which they want to hear an answer.
Though I get quite a bit of positive comments about my hair from strangers and acquaintances, I have a harder time with family. My grandma wants to know when I'll be cutting them off every time she sees me. My parents stopped talking about them because they used to stir up so many different emotions for each of us. I even have co-workers that suggest cutting them off, not sure why but people have their opinions. I suppose it's a matter of them expressing it and me doing what I feel with it.
::sigh:: I thought I'd be able to remember much more but sleep is calling my name instead so I will end it here.

oh! and I recently got the *first* comment about them looking longer! It was actually quite exciting because I usually get the "did you cut them" questions since I sew in my tips and they look shorter after. So here's a good picture of some length :)


peace and love

* * *
because I also <3 my babies!
and took some new pictures of em :)

* * *
I don't know how common this is for anyone else but I am absolutely and completely addicted to the music and message of a musician. I am empowered and moved every time I listen to his music to feel, think and make decisions in the direction of his message. I am captivated and inspired by his amazing ability to act out what he talks about so successfully, fluidly. I am most impressed with the passion he has given me to get out there and share his music with everyone I can. I encourage all my residents to listen to my itunes playlist, I have convinced one of them to even go to a concert of his.  In other words, I think there is some part of me that Michael Franti has impacted in a way that is not going to go away any time soon, only grow and take me in the direction of that passion I have been enthusiastically searching for. Tonights exploration of FrantiV brought me a moment of clarity, an idea that I will pursue until I am rejected by everyone involved. I will one day in the very near future, be a huge part in the peace movement Michael Franti is part of, heading it in a direction that will take on a snowball effect, catching everything and everyone that is it's way until we find a way to live as peaceful people on this wonderful planet earth.

Not sure if this is legal but "Can you hear me?!"





Love to All
 

Current Music:
Michael Franti and Spearhead of course!
* * *
I just read back a couple entries I posted earlier this year and can not help but acknowledge how quickly things can turn around. The entry I made in February 2nd touches on the bad things I wrote a meager two months later, contradicting myself to the fullest! So without getting too much in depth about it all, I just have to say that I'm glad I keep this up.

* * *
I go through life thinking and philosophizing about many things, some more frequently than others, some more verbally than others but regardless of the form, I do what I can to keep my mind active and engaged. Something I have observed is that one of the greatest qualities people have is their ability to converse. To enjoy the information that one another knows and engage in a simple yet complex discussion of it. I thrive on these discussions with people, deep or shallow as they may be, the exchange of ideas and opinions is absolutely fascinating to me. Without straying too far off the topic I intended to write about, I'd really like to make a point in people having a huge impact on my life. If it wasn't for my interactions with the people I surround myself with, I know I wouldn't be the person I am today. On that note, I am moved to write about music tonight. The mere fact that music exists as a form of art makes me want to talk about it but more importantly, the passion that exists with this form of expression, amazes me.

Peace and <3 Michael Franti,

Marina

Current Music:
Michael Franti and Spearhead
* * *

Hello all! It's been a while since I posted but I'm back with some good shots :) I love what my hair is looking like these days. It can be a pain at times but it's definitely worth it. Well, here are some pics in a somewhat story format. 





And one more :)




Peace and Love
Marina
* * *
Ahora estamos en la casa de Alex y tenemos un gran tiempo! La Republica es un país magnífico con muchas personas interesantes. The different people from different countries, with different stories and different points of views are quite intriguing. Our host has made our stay more than comfortable, treating his newly made friends feel like we fit right in.

::edit:: this was never posted so here's a summary and finally, a post.

The trip was amazing to say the least. The story is an adventurous trip, some people can hang and others can't but it's a great story nonetheless. Ask me if you want to know because although the internet is a wonderful tool in many ways, there are some things I just don't care to reveal nor spend the time composing :)

* * *
I sit here during finals week, putting off every single thing that needs to be done. I've searched high and low, far and wide, into every resource I've made available to myself and still find nothing. No quote I've loved, no words I've written, nothing seems to be as strong as I so recently was. I can't seem to figure the driving force of this weakness and the faulty decisions of which I seem to lack control. I want to and need to make changes in my life. I want to find the person I was happy with again.
* * *
Today I told my sister a story. I made it up as I went along but I thought it a clever way of concealing the thruth with humor to get a painful point across. " I really have no time for a relationship, I'd rather spend that time doing something active, doing school work or reading, volunteering or thinking of some great idea to change the world." Then it hit me. I didn't have time for a relationship because I was out hiking, climbing, running, surfing, volunteering, adding classes and being active with mind, body and soul. I was working so hard and striving to reach my best at everything I did. I thought I could take anything on and do everything I could dream. Now don't get me wrong, I can and I know I can, but I need to master the fine art of balance before I decide to make such bold decisions. So I continued to my sister as I start to make fun of myself and this hole I've managed to dig myself into, " Man, I can't believe I've been in a relationship the past month, I didn't even realize it. I dumped health and fitness for depression. The sucker got me hooked on the doing nothing productive and being wrapped up in what's wrong instead of how to fix it. He got me so stressed that I was eating to feel better, which we know fixes nothing. I was dreaming about him and not waking up to face the responsibilities of life. I was starting to get mad at him for everything I was doing and everything just began to spiral out of my hands, out of my control. As I became more and more aware of this, and saw health wanting me back, I couldn't believe the strong and powerful appeal of depression. So, I decided last week that I was sick of depression and its shit. We were fighting a lot and not seeing eye to eye on many things. I wasn't happy with him, I wasn't happy with me." My sister laughed understandingly at the crazy sounding explanation that was coming out of my mouth. I was able to explain a good point to her, about the necessities of a healthy relationship, not only with a significant other, but with yourself and all aspects of you. That relationship, once mastered, once healthy and honest, bringing you happiness and joy, peace and love, will be able to carry on throughout all aspects of life, relationships included. Now the only thing that is left is for changes to be made. Changes toward the person you want to be and the life you want to lead. Step by step, thought by thought, slowly but surely is the only way to do it, with the unknown new day ahead, bright as can be, body strong, head high and spirit free. 

"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug."

Patricia Neal

* * *

Having never traveled mid semester, my recent spring break vacation taught me a tough lesson. Getting back to responsibilities and life in my world has proven to be harder than ever and all I want to do is go back to a harsh real world where everything seems so difficult yet simple. I can't even think back to a semester when I had as much motivation as I did at the beginning of this one nor can I figure out where it all went.

* * *
I've got so much to update and not enough time to do it; I still haven't had a chance to go back and finish my previous entry! My exciting trip yesterday (back to the same mountain range as the last entry coincidentally enough) has many highlights and pictures, none of which I will be able to post any time soon. I do want to throw one picture I dig up here though as well as some topics that I hope to one day soon write about (for my referrence):
dance as a form of art
recreation and tourism management department at CSUN and my feelings about it as my newly acquired minor
REI future with the company and ideas for it
opinions and points of views about unmotivated, unhappy and unproductive people
personal growth and ideas for what is to come

On a lighter note, I love my classes, I love my job, I love my body, mind, soul and everything in life. I love nature, adventure and new experiences and I love my being here at this moment, healthy and full of spirit. My only wish is for everyone to appreciate life for what it is - yours to have.

Peace. Love. Beauty.

* * *
Story time. So I suppose this story would make the most sense from the beginning and that is just where I will try to start. My co-worker and I were checking out our schedules one day when we noticed we both had four days in a row off during this past week of a particularly cool January. Nicole and I had been getting along pretty well lately, whether it was at work or spending time outdoors doing fun stuff (hiking and climbing) on our winter break from school. We got really excited that our schedules matched up and decided to take a trip up to the Mammoth hot springs and backpack/camp out a few nights and snowboard with the rest of our co-workers and friends the other day.

At the top of Mt.Allen

* * *
I'm hooked on Third Eye Blind at the moment and am starting to realize how different they make me feel every time I listen to them. It's kind of strange. Most every time I listen to them though, I think of Duncan, being it's his favorite band and Drew making fun of him for not moving on. Hah. It makes me smile every time. I've been dreaming some strange things lately and after a crazy shift at work last night, I dreamt of more crazy customers. I don't think I'll ever work retail again during the holiday season, at least I hope not.

My people are the misfits
The ones that don't fit in
With the smile I know it comes within
I can feel you in the corners laughing when the lightings low

They say
Tick tick. tell me where the time goes
Oh life, you know it moves much to slow
Tick tick tell me where the time goes
Those are the ones for me
Those are the ones for me
The misfits, the freaks, the enemy, you and me
Those are the ones for me
Those are the ones for me
The misfits, the freaks, the enemy
you and me


Ah, I couldn't help getting the lyrics for this song on here as I listened to it. If it's not apparent, I'm definitely addicted to them right now and actually wondering where the time goes. ::sigh:: I'll figure it out as soon as I stop wasting it. I really miss summer and how much life, energy and spirit I had in me. I hope to find it again, along with my passion for taking on anything, especially the unknown head on. I like how the old has a genuine way of not feeling forgotten nor homogeneous, just fresh, rejuvenating. Meanwhile, I continue to find myself relinquishing potential new relationships I've recently been approached with, rightfully so I hope. Looks like this weekend will be a random plethora of good times, quite possibly too much for me to handle. Monday is looking like a promising surf day, score. And maybe my managers will figure out the deal with our free Mt.High tickets so I can hit the slopes next week too. Feeling oh so deprived. I can't believe I'll have all next week free, to do anything I want, and the week after, and after, for six whole weeks. I'll need to seriously reconsider getting another job to make the most out of all that free time, but where oh where do I want to work. If it's not yet clear why I don't usually write my scattered thoughts, I'm sure this entry explains it all. I usually make a conscious effort to pick a topic and stick with it but guess this is a fluke. Oh and did I mention I don't want to study, at all. AH.

Current Music:
Third Eye Blind
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